For All My Fellow People Pleasers

Hey there, my fellow people pleasers! If you’re someone who bends over backward trying to make everyone happy, then this post is for you. Recently, I had to give a presentation in one of my college classes about managing relationships, and I stumbled upon a story in our textbook that blew my mind. It’s about a young man, an old man, and a donkey—and trust me, it’s not just some random story about a donkey. This little tale has the power to change your whole outlook on life, just like it did for me.

The Story That Had Me Re-Evaluating My Life Choices

So, here’s how it goes: A young boy and an old man are on a journey with their donkey. They decide the boy should ride the donkey while the old man walks beside them. As they’re trotting along, a group of women passes by and says, “Look at that! How terrible! The young boy is riding while the poor old man is walking. The boy should be walking!” 

The boy and the old man look at each other, think, “Hmm, maybe they’ve got a point,” and switch places. Now, the old man is riding the donkey, and the boy is walking. They continue on their way until another group of people sees them and exclaims, “What a shame! The old man is making that young boy walk. He should be walking himself!”

Again, they figure these folks might be right, so they decide the best solution is for both of them to ride the donkey. Problem solved, right? WRONG. A third group comes along, and this time, they gasp in horror: “How cruel! That poor donkey shouldn’t have to carry both of them. That’s animal abuse!”

Desperate to avoid any more public shaming, the old man and the boy decide to carry the donkey themselves. Yes, you read that right. THEY DECIDE TO CARRY THE DONKEY. As you can imagine, things don’t go well. While they’re struggling across a bridge with the donkey on their shoulders, they lose their grip, and—you guessed it—the donkey falls into the river and dies. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you’ll lose your ass. Literally. 

As someone who has spent far too long trying to be the perfect peacekeeper, this story hit me like a ton of bricks—and made me laugh out loud at the same time. It’s impossible to make everyone happy, so at some point, you have to stop doing what everyone else thinks you should do and start doing what’s right for YOU.

How to Stop Being a People-Pleasing Donkey Carrier

Now, let’s get into some real talk about how to ditch those people-pleasing tendencies. Here’s what I’ve learned from personal experience and countless self-help books:

1. Figure Out Why You’re a People Pleaser

Seriously, ask yourself why. Is it because you’re terrified that people will abandon you if you don’t make them happy? Are you addicted to everyone’s approval like it’s the latest TikTok trend? Or maybe you’re just allergic to conflict and can’t say no without breaking into a cold sweat? Whatever your reason, identifying it is the first step to change.

2. Stop Playing the Blame Game

I know, I know. It’s tempting to point fingers at everyone else for why you’re a chronic people pleaser. But newsflash: no one’s holding a gun to your head forcing you to agree to everything. Your boss isn’t hypnotizing you into taking on extra work, and your friends aren’t casting spells that make you say “yes” to their every request. You have the power to say no—it’s just up to you to use it.

3. Start Telling People How You Feel (Without Apologizing Every Five Seconds)

I get it; saying no feels like climbing Mount Everest barefoot. But here’s the deal: Your needs matter just as much as everyone else’s. So, tell your boss, “I’m not up for extra work this week. Gotta prioritize my Netflix binge-watching marathon—I mean, my health!” Let your friends know you need some downtime without worrying they’ll unfriend you IRL. If people don’t respect your boundaries, then newsflash—they don’t really respect you.

4. Brace Yourself for a Bit of Backlash

Look, I’m not saying your brother will never speak to you again if you don’t lend him money. But yeah, there might be some initial surprise or even a little drama. People don’t like change, and you’re changing. But guess what? They’ll get over it. And if they don’t, well, that’s not your problem *insert shrug here*.

5. Celebrate Your Wins Like You Just Won the Lottery

When you finally say no, treat yourself like the rock star you are. Even if you lose your job or a friend over it (which is highly unlikely, but hey, if it happens), know that you just dodged a bullet. Seriously, pop the champagne—or whatever your celebration drink of choice is. Take a bath, read a book, binge-watch that show you’ve been meaning to start—do whatever makes you feel amazing for finally putting yourself first.

Believe it or not, setting boundaries and standing up for yourself is easier than you think. The reason we make it so hard is because we love imagining the absolute worst-case scenarios, like getting fired on the spot or everyone we love walking out on us. But guess what? The odds of that happening are about as likely as winning the lottery while being struck by lightning. Twice.

So the next time your brain starts doing its little dance of doom, imagining all the terrible things that could happen if you say no, take a deep breath and remind yourself: You’re not crazy; you’re just a recovering people pleaser. And remember, it’s not nearly as scary as you’re making it out to be. You got this!

You can’t please everyone, and that’s okay.